You've got the career, the flat, the decent watch and a wine collection that suggests you know considerably more about Burgundy than you actually do. Your salary would have impressed your younger self enormously. Your parents have finally stopped asking whether you're earning enough. Life, by most reasonable measures, is going rather well.
There's just one small problem. Your love life has all the excitement of a Tuesday afternoon conference call.
Welcome to the peculiar world of London's successful single man. A chap who can negotiate a six figure contract before lunch but somehow can't organise a second date without consulting three calendars and sacrificing his Saturday morning.
The City That Gives You Everything Except Time
London is a wonderful place to be ambitious. It's considerably less accommodating when you fancy having a personal life as well.
Consider the average professional working in finance, law, technology or any of the other industries where leaving the office at six is regarded as a worrying lack of commitment. By the time he's finished answering emails, squeezed in a gym session and endured the Northern line, the prospect of making sparkling conversation with a complete stranger can feel less like romance and more like unpaid overtime.
And that's assuming he's actually found someone to meet.
There's something faintly ridiculous about a city containing nearly nine million people where finding a suitable dinner companion can still feel like an administrative nightmare. We're surrounded by potential romantic possibilities, yet somehow everyone is either busy, emotionally unavailable, recently separated or leaving for Dubai on Thursday.
Of course, London has always attracted ambitious people. What's changed is how thoroughly work has managed to colonise the rest of our lives. The office follows us home through our phones. Professional networking has invaded the pub. Even Sunday brunch occasionally turns into a discussion about property investments.
At some point, somebody really ought to ask whether all this success is making anyone particularly happy.
Dating Apps: The Second Job Nobody Applied For
There was a time when meeting a woman involved walking across a room, introducing yourself and hoping you hadn't got spinach between your teeth. It wasn't always successful, admittedly, but at least the whole business was relatively straightforward.
Now there's an entire industry devoted to making romance simultaneously more accessible and more complicated.
You download an app. Select six photographs that make you look attractive without appearing vain. Write something amusing about your interests. Avoid mentioning your actual interests if they happen to include spreadsheets, Formula One statistics or collecting expensive kitchen knives.
Then comes the swiping.
And the messaging. And the conversations that begin promisingly before disappearing into the digital equivalent of the Bermuda Triangle.
For a man accustomed to making decisions and seeing results, modern dating can be spectacularly irritating. Not because women owe him their attention, obviously, but because the whole process demands a surprising amount of time with absolutely no guarantee that either party will enjoy themselves.
Even when a date materialises, there's the question of compatibility. She's lovely, but wants to move to Australia. He's charming, but doesn't want children. One person is looking for marriage while the other is still recovering from the last one.
By the third disappointing Thursday evening, that perfectly respectable bottle of red waiting at home starts looking increasingly attractive.
Money Can Buy Convenience. Can It Buy Companionship?
Here's where things become interesting.
Successful Londoners routinely pay to make their lives easier. They employ cleaners, personal trainers, accountants and occasionally someone whose entire job appears to involve organising their wardrobes. Nobody raises an eyebrow. Time is valuable, and spending money to reclaim some of it is considered perfectly sensible.
Yet when the conversation turns to companionship, society suddenly becomes rather coy.
The truth is that London's professional companionship scene has long existed alongside its more conventional dating culture. For some men, arranging time with an escort isn't about being unable to attract women. It's about wanting a particular kind of experience without the expectations, uncertainty or emotional complications of pursuing a relationship.
There's a distinction worth making here. A professional arrangement is not a substitute for falling in love, nor should it pretend to be. But neither does every adult interaction have to lead towards marriage, shared mortgage payments and an argument about whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher.
Sometimes people simply enjoy spending time together.
Agencies such as Peachy, a London escorts agency, operate in a city where people have wildly different schedules, priorities and expectations. The appeal of professional companionship is hardly mysterious in a place where even arranging drinks with your closest friends can require six weeks of advance planning.
And perhaps that's what makes the subject uncomfortable for some people. It challenges the rather romantic notion that every form of human connection must happen spontaneously, preferably after an accidental encounter in a bookshop.
Lovely idea. Unfortunately, most Londoners are too busy ordering books online.
The Curious Loneliness of Having It All
There's another side to this story, and it's not quite so amusing.
Success can be surprisingly isolating.
The further someone progresses professionally, the more carefully their time tends to be managed. Old friendships drift. Colleagues become competitors. Social occasions start revolving around work, and the people you meet often seem more interested in what you do than who you are.
London can amplify that feeling beautifully. You can live in a magnificent apartment overlooking the Thames, eat at restaurants with three month waiting lists and still spend most evenings alone.
None of this means single people are necessarily unhappy. Quite the opposite. Plenty of men genuinely enjoy their independence, their freedom and the ability to book a spontaneous weekend in Rome without consulting anyone.
But independence and isolation aren't quite the same thing.
The Mental Health Foundation has highlighted how loneliness affects people across different ages and circumstances. It isn't confined to pensioners living alone or people struggling financially. A busy social calendar and a successful career don't automatically protect anyone from feeling disconnected.
And while a good evening out can certainly lift the spirits, genuine friendship and emotional intimacy require something rather less convenient than a booking confirmation. They require time, trust and a willingness to occasionally put somebody else's priorities ahead of your own.
Not always easy for a man who schedules his life in fifteen minute intervals.
Mayfair, Marylebone and the Art of Enjoying Yourself
Of course, if you're going to be single and successful, London is hardly the worst place to do it.
There's Mayfair, where dinner can cost more than your first car and the people watching is frequently worth the bill. Marylebone offers a slightly more relaxed atmosphere, with its handsome streets, excellent restaurants and reassuring absence of tourists photographing every doorway.
Then there's Soho, still gloriously capable of producing an unexpected evening. You might begin with a civilised cocktail and end up discussing the meaning of life with a Swedish fashion photographer at two in the morning.
That's London at its best. Unpredictable, sociable and occasionally a little naughty.
For men interested in meeting women outside the usual dating circuit, the capital also has an established professional companionship scene, including Mayfair escorts and women based across other central London neighbourhoods. It's one of many ways adults choose to organise their social lives, although the nature of the arrangement is obviously different from an ordinary date.
What matters is knowing what you're looking for and being straightforward about it. Something that, come to think of it, wouldn't hurt the dating app population either.
Perhaps the Real Luxury Is Having a Choice
There's a tendency to assume that successful single men must secretly be searching for someone to complete their lives. As though a beautiful apartment, satisfying career and enjoyable independence are merely temporary arrangements until a suitable woman arrives to reorganise the bathroom cabinets.
Some are looking for a serious relationship. Others have already had one, perhaps several, and aren't in a tremendous hurry to repeat the experience. A few simply like being single.
Fair enough.
The interesting question isn't whether money can buy happiness. That's been debated to death, usually by people who already have plenty of it. The more relevant question is whether professional success leaves enough room to enjoy the things that made you want to succeed in the first place.
A proper evening out. Good conversation. A little flirtation. The occasional morning when you wake up with absolutely nothing scheduled.
For London's ambitious bachelors, perhaps having it all doesn't mean acquiring another promotion, a larger flat or a more impressive car. Perhaps it means reaching the point where you can occasionally ignore your phone, forget about tomorrow's meeting and enjoy the company you're in.
After all, there's not much point conquering London if you never find the time to have a little fun in it.