London has an impressive ability to turn dinner into a competitive sport. Somewhere between securing the reservation and explaining why the butter costs twelve quid, a man can forget he’s supposed to be having a date.

This October, London Restaurant Festival supplies plenty of excuses to leave the house hungry. Its autumn programme includes neighbourhood dinners, wine pairings, restaurant tours and masterclasses across the capital. There’s enough variety to make “Where shall we eat?” a rather more interesting question than usual.

Which leaves the other question.

Can you get through dinner without making an absolute meal of yourself?

The reservation is becoming a personality

You know the sort. Before you’ve taken your coat off, he’s explained how difficult the table was to get. There was a waiting list. He knows someone. Normally they wouldn’t do this.

Lovely. Shall we eat, or would you like a small trophy?

Getting a good reservation is a thoughtful gesture. Making your companion sit through the origin story is where things go wrong. Nobody wants to feel like an audience member at the launch of your social credentials.

London provides ample scenery for this performance. A basement entrance, a dining room with no visible signage, a menu that reads like experimental poetry. Suddenly, finding somewhere to have a pleasant evening becomes a test of whether you’re sufficiently connected to locate the front door.

There’s fun in discovering somewhere special. Keep a little of that fun for the person coming with you.

Wine knowledge: use sparingly

Knowing your way around a wine list can be attractive. So can admitting you don’t.

The trouble starts when a perfectly innocent bottle becomes an opportunity to deliver a TED Talk. Your date asked whether you fancied red. They didn’t commission a documentary about soil.

Ask what they enjoy. Give the sommelier a budget. Let someone who does this for a living help you choose.

And if your companion prefers a cocktail, a beer or something without alcohol, resist the urge to correct them. They’re ordering a drink, not sitting an entrance exam.

A man who can say “That sounds good” without explaining why his choice would have been better is already making a promising start.

Something worth leaving the sofa for

The festival does offer evenings with more appeal than another round of restaurant name-dropping.

On 20 October, Tiny Wine in Fitzrovia has a wine-pairing event with Latin American small plates. That same evening, Archway in Battersea hosts an Italian dinner beneath the railway arches. Later in the month, Oren in Dalston offers Mediterranean sharing plates on 27 October, while BŌKAN 37’s event on 28 October combines a four-course menu with skyline views.

Different settings, different moods. That’s useful when you’re planning an evening with an actual person whose preferences might extend beyond “somewhere impressive”.

A lively neighbourhood restaurant could suit someone who likes a relaxed night out. A long dinner with a view might appeal to someone happy to settle in. Neither choice requires you to announce that you’ve curated an experience.

You booked dinner, mate. Easy.

A good date needs somewhere to happen

Before choosing a restaurant, consider the practicalities that rarely make it into the glossy photographs.

Can you hear each other? Are the chairs comfortable? Will you have time to enjoy the meal before someone starts hovering with the bill? Does the menu include things your companion actually wants to eat?

These sound like modest ambitions. Try conducting a flirtation from a backless stool while a speaker blasts directly into your left ear, and they become rather urgent.

Lighting matters too. A little glow is flattering. Complete darkness turns identifying your dinner into a team-building exercise.

Then there’s the tasting menu. Wonderful with the right company, but quite a commitment when you barely know each other. By course three, you may have discovered a sparkling connection. You may also have discovered that he describes every former girlfriend as “crazy”.

There are six courses left.

The company is part of the evening

Dinner dates come in plenty of forms: a new match, a long-term partner, a visiting companion or someone you’ve arranged to meet through a London escorts agency. Across those different arrangements, choosing somewhere both people can enjoy remains a sensible starting point.

The same practical thinking applies whether you’re planning a night with London escorts in the West End or meeting Marylebone escorts for dinner nearby: allow enough time, agree on a place and resist squeezing three venues into an evening that only needed one good table.

The restaurant supplies the setting. Conversation still needs your participation.

Ask a question because you’re interested in the answer. Notice whether your companion is comfortable. Give them room to choose, rather than ordering everything as though you’re directing a military operation.

And spare them the forty-minute presentation on your investment portfolio. Unless they’ve specifically asked, the quarterly figures can survive an evening without you.

Being generous with your attention is considerably more appealing than repeatedly mentioning the price of the wine.

Put the phone down before the food goes cold

A quick photograph? Fine.

A full production involving flash, overhead angles and instructions not to touch anything? You’ve brought someone to dinner and appointed them your unpaid assistant.

Meanwhile, the food is cooling and the conversation has been suspended pending approval from people who aren’t there.

There’s something faintly ridiculous about booking a restaurant for its atmosphere, then spending the evening looking at a screen. Take your picture. Put the phone away. You can show everyone what a marvellous time you had after you’ve actually had it.

How to handle the bill without ruining dessert

If you’ve invited someone and intend to treat them, do it smoothly. If you expect to split the bill, make that clear without springing a financial negotiation on them at the end.

Whatever arrangements apply to your evening, clarity saves awkwardness.

Paying also doesn’t purchase the right to be rude to the staff, monopolise the conversation or expect affection. It settles the restaurant bill. That’s the transaction.

Watch how someone behaves when a dish arrives late or a small mistake happens. A little patience looks good on a man. Clicking his fingers at a waiter does rather less for him.

London Restaurant Festival offers a reason to try somewhere new this October. Book a table that suits you both, arrive curious and leave enough space for the evening to develop.

And if the butter really does cost twelve quid, allow yourself one joke.

Then pass the bread.